One year into marriage and you’d think that ‘new car smell’ would have gone with the time.
But it hasn’t. No cliché, but we’re still in the honeymoan stage. That’s not a typo – you read that right – honeymoan.
I’m surprised each day as I learn more about my wife and ultimately about myself. But what’s one of the things keeping us refreshed?
For me, I’d say a relentless commitment to being transparent with each other.
One thing I always repeat and will do until The Lord comes or calls me home, is “babe, I’m
not a mind reader”. You’d think I made that up but it’s actually scripture
1 Corinthians 2:9[a], “For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?”
Do you want to read that again?
– 1 Corinthians 2:9[a], “For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person,which is in him?” –
You got it? One more time? No? Okay fine. We move.
Unspoken expectations are real, and can be the source of serious disappointment and deep rooted resentment.
Add on top of that, the entitlement one person has when they wrongly assume their spouse should ‘just know’.
Pause.
Have you heard that before? That dead phrase ‘you should just know’? The truth is, unless you’re clearly told, then how can this be true? It isn’t!
So, my wife and I, are committed to being graciously and lovingly open to one another. That way, there’s no room for lies if we’re constantly exposed made aware of each other’s truth. I’ll give you a real example to illustrate. My wife expected me to go to bed when she was ready to go to bed. You could imagine my confused face when I was told “it’s bed time
now”. The last time I checked there were no kids in this house. That caused obvious tension, as I constantly declined her offer to sleep, because I was very much used to staying up late. Until she communicated her ‘why’ as well as her ‘what’. Until today, I can tell you it still doesn’t make sense to me. But it does to her; so by default, I
lovingly submit. And because it doesn’t take her long to drift off, it means I get quality time with her and me before bed time. Win-Win!
So over to you. How do you refresh your marriage then?
MK